It should be a simple relay closure. You should be able to short the pairs and trigger the lock. If that doesn't work the relay will never work til you get that sorted out.

http://www.necsl1100distributors.com/mm5/downloads/resources/SL1100-Door-Phone-Installation.pdf

Did you test the relay with a continuity tester to see if it's shorting when you press the flash key when you are on an active door phone conversation?